Last night, I went out to dinner with some friends and we were discussing why I keep saying no to all these guys who are interested in me. And yes, I know that sounds incredibly conceited but I am well aware that I have options should I choose to want it.
Then I started reflecting on how much I have changed over the years since I first became single.
STAGE 1: Heartbreak
When it first happened, I was completely heart-broken and hid in a cave. And I kept playing this damn song over and over again.
Ever go through a breakup and you hear that one song that you swear was written just for you? This was mine. I happened to play an old CD my cousin had made for me when this song came on and I completely broke down. There’s a particular line in that song about “4 years down the drain” and I was all, “OMG! We were together for 4 years! This is my song *SOB*”
Then things got better and although I was still a little sad, I was moving on.
STAGE 2: FUN
And then…I started having a lot of fun.
I’m laughing really hard right now because that’s actually how it pretty much started. My cousin and I were going through a breakup at the same time so at first we would spend weekends at each other’s apartments, watch movies and tv series, drink, and pretty much hide from the world. But then one night, we went to Hollywood Men for my friend’s bachelerotte party (it was my mom’s suggestion, I might add) and just absolutely had a blast. So much so that we went again for our joint birthday celebration. The bouncer recognized me and I even got hit on by one of the strippers. Hey, gurl, heeeeyyyy! This became our theme song:
Best. Year. Of. My. Life. Well, it was probably more like a year and a half…but you see what I mean. It was the most freeing, most carefree time of my life and I don’t regret any of it! Even the mistakes! Lol!
STAGE 3: The Grey Zone
Then I started meeting guys that I actually really liked. I realized I was done playing and started to want more. None of it worked out, which was still ok because I was able to shake it off and move on. That is, until The Man Who Made Me Crazy. I mean, he made me feel like this:
Just, no. Any man who makes you feel like that is your theme song is not the one for you. So now I am done with all of that, done with the grey zone, done with the “Oh, I don’t know where this is going but just now it won’t work…it’s the timing, you see?” and will not settle for anything less than the happiness I see with my married or in-a-serious-relationship friends. I refuse.
STAGE 4: The In-Between
At the same time, I am also going through a huge transition in my life and trying to figure out where life is taking me so I am also not quite ready. That’s ok, I’ve got a lot to be thankful for and luckily this is one area in my life where I don’t stress or worry about too much. If it happens, it happens. If not, I’m still going to be happy. And now, this is pretty much where I’m at:
I’d say it’s a pretty good place to be. 🙂