Just stumbled upon this wonderful piece of writing and the title alone spoke to me. Indeed,
“When the timing isn’t right, neither is the man.”
I used to say it all the time, albeit with a lot of anger. I was angry because of the guys in my past I fell for or was on my way to falling for who chose something or someone else over me but inevitably reached out to me later on, saying something along the lines of “I was thinking of you the other day and…” And, what, bro? Where was this when I opened up about my feelings and actually wanted to move forward with you?
The first time this happened, I was sympathetic. Oh, I told myself, we all take our own time to process things and I may have moved on but if he needs closure, I’ll be there for him. It’s the decent thing to do.
Then, the next guy apologized for what happened between us…one year later. Um. Ok…
It was so out of the blue, but still, I was gracious and told him not to worry about it, I was over it and I don’t tend to hold grudges. Oh but then the same guy decided to contact me again, this time two years later, just to say that he thought I was great. My response? “I know, right?”
I still saw the humor in it though. Like, really? I knew I was great, but clearly he didn’t. But hey, thanks for the boost in ego!
And then the third guy does this to me, even after I told him about the other two guys and how weird I thought that was. My humor and understanding at that point was gone. I was angry. I was tired of putting myself out there, trying to move forward with guys I thought would be good for me and not have it work out. That in itself I could’ve dealt with. But why, oh why, did they all have to reach out to me afterwards, basically trying to feel out if we could pick up where we left off?? WHY? I would have much preferred they left me alone because having them contact me afterwards kinda made me feel like a failure. Like, hey look, you almost had something with these guys but shucks, the timing wasn’t right! Keep trying, almost there, buddy!
It just made me so angry that all of them seemed to decide they wanted me after I was already gone. Seriously? You didn’t realize my worth until after I left? ALL OF YOU??
Naturally, my logical side told me it wasn’t my fault or theirs; it’s just what it is. Friends comforted me by saying, hey, maybe it’s just the timing and maybe, just maybe, you’ll meet again later. Alas my emotions were not having it! TIMING, MY ASS! If the “timing” isn’t right for the guy, then he isn’t the guy for me!
In retrospect, the timing wasn’t right for me either – I was not ready at that time. I had (have) a lot of growing up I still needed to do, it wasn’t just them. Since then, I have calmed down and stopped trying to analyze and categorize what purpose in my life these guys have served. I have also stopped trying to make a lifelong decision as to whether I would give them another chance if we ran into each other again. That decision should be made if that ever happened, not now when it’s just in theory.
As it turns out, I actually have come across two of the three guys many years after the fact and I see now that it likely wouldn’t have worked out anyway. And this in particular stood out to me from the piece I stumbled upon:
“if timing had my back she would have told me to fall for myself before I fell for a chapter disguised as a man”
I did not recognize it at the time because I was extremely hurt and upset when things didn’t work out, but timing actually did have my back. If it weren’t for timing, I might have actually been in a relationship with men who were not right for me. So, thank you, timing, for having my back and letting me fall for myself the past few years.