I saw this on my social media feed the other day and felt a little pang in my heart.
I don’t currently feel this way about anyone but seeing this did remind me of a time when I felt exactly like this.
Around 5 years ago I was selected by my company to attend the National Space Symposium as part of the young leadership program. It was a great opportunity for networking and only one person in our division is selected every year. I felt extremely honored and excited, especially since I had been working my butt off at that time. I remember that year clearly…I was working constantly, to the point where I felt like I was burning out, but then I started to get recognition, I got promoted and even got a bonus, and then I was told that I was selected to go to the symposium. It was a very uplifting feeling and I remember just feeling so happy at that time.
The National Space Symposium was held in Colorado Springs, Colorado and it was beautiful that time of year.
I listened to various speakers from leaders in the space industry to astronauts, and I got to see some pretty cool things as well.
It was business by day, all out fun by night, so at night I would network…and party at the same time!
So what does this have to do with missing someone, considering I was having the time of my life? Well, at the end of the last night, right at the peak of my happiness and feeling of inspiration, I remember thinking to myself, “Wow I’m so happy right now. I want to call The Ex so I can share this moment with him,” and then feeling my heart sink when I realized it just wasn’t possible to do that anymore…so then I took one last sip of my drink and with a heavy sigh, I called it a night.
NOT! This was in my early twenties so of course I wasn’t smart enough to do that! What did I do instead?
At least that’s what I attempted to do. Luckily, one of my new friends stopped me from doing it.
I wish he was around to stop me when I made the stupid decision to reach out later on, but that’s a story for another time.
Back to the present…I’ve been feeling melancholy and a little lost this past week, not sure why. Maybe I really did leave my heart in Barcelona? Or maybe I’ve been seeing too many straight-to-the-heart memes lately? In any case, the weather was kind enough to allow me to do what I normally like to do when I feel like this, which is to take a walk.
It was really nice being there, especially because I remember the last time I was there I was in a completely different place in my life. At that time I had no idea how long I was going to be in Binghamton, I couldn’t stop thinking about The One Who (Once) Made Me Crazy, and I just couldn’t have imagined the way my life has now turned out. Now I feel extremely grateful that my life has turned out better than I could have imagined despite my emotions bouncing all over the place at the moment. It’s funny how life turns out when you just let go and stop trying to plan every little detail. Being there was a great reminder that I should just let go and let God, as they say. Or chill the eff out as the younger generation would say. So yes, that is what I’ll do. No spreadsheets, no flow diagrams, just faith. 😛