They sent me to Binghamton

I've always wanted to be on the east coast, and the universe responded…by sending me to Binghamton, NY. Oh you've never heard of it? Neither had I, but I do so love adventures and that's how I choose to view this. Let the adventures begin!

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“Settling Down” – What’s that, and is it contagious?

When I made the decision to move to Binghamton permanently it was with the understanding that it was more like “permanently.” Why? Because I can’t seem to sit still. For someone who highly values making a home and establishing some sort of roots I sure can’t seem to settle down. I just…don’t want to.

Shortly after I moved here “permanently” I was already thinking about where my next move was going to be both geographically and career-wise, something I voiced often to friends.

“You never know, though, maybe you’ll settle down when you meet someone.”

Um. Sorry. You lost me at “settle down,” and then you continued on with “meet someone” and suddenly all of the evens I had were significantly less than the cans, and therefore, I can’t even. 🤷🏽

I’m not sure why I am so strongly against the notion of settling down, whether it’s in context of a romantic relationship, career, or where I want to live; it all just makes me feel antsy. So when people innocently suggested I may perhaps possibly maybe one day feel that way, I looked at them with Thizz Face.

So then I started to think, why? Why do I feel this way? Is it because I moved every few years in my childhood so that has become my norm? What draws me to move in my adult life anyway?

Upon some introspection I realized I just have a need for change because I get bored easily. I need a constant challenge and a semi-regular change of scenery, at least every few years or so. Then I came to the conclusion that perhaps those who said I might settle down when I meet someone were right. Maybe I do need a man to ground me and give me a reason to stay. Because otherwise I really have no reason to stay anywhere. My friends will always be my friends regardless of where I live. My family doesn’t have a choice, they’re stuck with me. I like new adventures. They make me happy and get me excited about life. Why settle down anywhere?

And then it happened. I found a reason to stay. I stopped dreaming about where my next adventure would be and started thinking about what my next adventure would be, here, in Binghamton. My daydreams about the future still contained uncertainty, which I seem to enjoy, but they were located in Binghamton instead of Boston or NYC or even back home in L.A. and I still felt just as excited.

So what happened?

Kidding! I wish that’s what happened, but no. I did not meet Isaiah Mustafa. He did not suddenly carry me off on his white horse to the house he built just for me with his bare hands while also making me dinner with food he, himself, hunted and gathered. But I still hold out hope that one day this may happen. 😂

What actually happened was I took my head out of the clouds, looked around, and realized I lived in a growing community that I really want to be a part of. I want to be a part of its growth. Not only that, I want to be one of the reasons for its growth. I want to not only effect change, but lead the change, or perhaps lead the leaders who will effect change. I want to help local people realize their dreams, spread their wings, and share their vision with the community. I’ve realized that I don’t care about the world but I do care about my little world, and I’ve decided Binghamton is my little world, at least for the time being.

Of course the way the universe works, it conspires to get you what you put out, so after this train of thought, two of my friends coincidentally asked for my help with their projects. In helping them organize their thoughts into clear goals, deconstructing a seemingly messy project into concise, doable steps to lead to their success, I realized that a) I’m really good at it, and b) I thoroughly enjoy doing it. And just like that, I decided to call Binghamton home and consider the possibility of a new side-gig as my new adventure.

Just like that…I settled down.

For now.


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A Rollercoaster of Emotions

Anger. Happiness. Guilt. Nervousness. Stressed. Excited. Joyful. Pride. Peace.

I went through all of these emotions the past couple of months in an almost cyclical pattern. You see, I had this idea to sell my condo in California, which was tenant-occupied at the time, and also buy a house in New York at the same time. I had this notion that because this was my second time around with the home buying process, I would be much calmer about the whole situation…I was wrong. By nature, the whole transaction involves people and things that are out of my control so when things went wrong, it got very stressful. It doesn’t matter how mature I’ve gotten or that I had been through this before. Oh well, it all worked out in any case and that’s really what matters.

And now?

I’m mostly happy. Life has been good. A few hiccups here and there but overall, I am very happy.

Especially, especially because lately it has become very clear to me how precious and good the people in my life are. Those who offered an ear when I was stressing out. Those who offered to help without me even asking. Those who send me cards and small gifts just because. Those who are genuinely excited for me with the things happening in my life right now, even though they also have exciting things going on in their own lives. Those who go on adventures with me. Those who make me laugh, even when I’m extremely upset. Those who listen, truly listen. And you. I am especially grateful for you, whatever role you may end up playing in my life. You make me want to be a better person. You’re showing me what I actually want…or more accurately, what I didn’t know I wanted…And more importantly, you’re serving as a spotlight, shining light on the shit that I was letting into my life simply by being you. You might just be the kindest person I have ever met and thank you for showing me that I’m worth someone like you. I wasn’t sure what it was going to take for me to really, truly let go of that one, but I guess it just took getting to know you. Screw that guy, and the other who is suddenly interested in me again now that I’m very clearly moving on.