They sent me to Binghamton

I've always wanted to be on the east coast, and the universe responded…by sending me to Binghamton, NY. Oh you've never heard of it? Neither had I, but I do so love adventures and that's how I choose to view this. Let the adventures begin!


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The Things That Matter

A bit stressed at the moment due to a report I need to complete for school that is taking WAY longer than I had anticipated…However, despite this I am still grateful for the lightness in my heart, the quiet in my mind, and the peace within my soul. These are the things that matter.

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Oh and tutus. Tutus make everything better! 😀

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“The Preview”

I caught up with a friend of mine and we ended up talking about the philosophy of life and love, as we always seem to every time we talk (lol). We have one of those types of friendships where we don’t talk often but when we do we pick up right where we left off, and strangely enough despite the time and distance, we always seem to be on the same path in life. Perhaps not in things like career and such but more where we are in terms of life lessons.

Last time we talked, she seemed to be having her own version of The Man Who Drove Her Crazy, something which I am also unfortunately familiar with. Because I recognized the signs and knew that no amount of talking would help her out of the crazy pit, I just nodded my head and listened to her as she spouted words of poetic about this man, trusting that she would eventually see the truth in her own time. And she did.

This time around we spoke about how although that kind of love is very intense, all-encompassing, and kind of addicting, what we are really looking for is the Sunday kind of love. Something more like this:

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Instead of this:

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Then I told her about Mr. Nice Guy, a guy I started to get to know shortly before I made my official move to New York. I told her how it seemed different with him. He seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, and the feelings I was starting to develop seemed more real than even with The Man Who (Once) Made Me Crazy. Everything was…chill, for lack of a better word. There wasn’t this intense need to see each other or speak to each other every minute of every day; it was just a nice, relaxed “hey, I really wanna get to know you, but no pressure though” type of feeling. There were no games. There was no “oh I would love to be with you forever BUT” type of thing. All it was, was “hey, I kinda like you. Let’s hang out and see where this goes.” It was just really nice. Like, really, really nice.

I was telling her how I’m sure there’s a reason why it happened when it did, even though it was the one thing that made me sad to leave California. It was just strange because he was actually someone I had known for quite some time, even before I got sent on assignment to Binghamton and somehow when I moved back earlier this year we started getting to know each other better. Of course a part of me was like, “Dammit, universe, why??” and that’s when she said,

“Maybe he’s the preview.”

As in, perhaps he was meant to open my mind to the possibility that the person for me may be someone I already know. As opposed to my usual pattern of seeing someone across the room and automatically being drawn to that person and then just

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Huh. Maybe. In any case, I am in no hurry but I will say that my short but sweet experience with him certainly did open my eyes and I have to admit, he kinda made me want things I didn’t know I wanted…perhaps that’s a good thing though as I have been told a few times that I tend to be “too independent.” I didn’t realize that was a thing but…oops? 😀

In the meantime, I will revel in my independence and do exactly what I want to do, which usually means some sort of local adventure to bask in the beauty that is upstate New York. This particular weekend I decided to go to Robert Treman State Park, which I had gone with my parents last spring, but I wanted to hike a different trail and see what it looked like in the fall. So how did it look this time around? Beautifall, of course!

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Part of the appeal in my typical Sunday Funday adventures is the drive itself. It’s just so peaceful and a time when I can just let myself be.

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I’ve only been here for roughly a year and a half, counting my temporary relocation last year, but I really hope I never lose my sense of wonder every time I go for a hike or even just a drive. I hope I never become ungrateful or take this place for granted because it truly is a beautiful place to be.


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When it snows during fall…

It has been six months to the day from when I first started my new job here in Binghamton. Six months! I cannot believe it has been that long already, yet it also feels like it’s been longer. Such a strange feeling knowing that at the beginning of the year I had no idea what I was doing, where I was going to end up, or even really what I wanted, and yet here I am now pretty flippin’ happy with where I am and what I’m doing. I am just so in love with life and just so incredibly happy. It’s such a cliche but I feel freer now that I’ve learned to let go of control when it comes to certain things in my life. Apparently, the more you try to control things the less control you actually have.

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And breathe I do, usually in the form of Sunday Funday alone time while hiking. This past Sunday I managed to make it out to Letchworth State Park, known as the Grand Canyon of the east according to my friends out here. I was hoping to still catch a glimpse of the fast falling orange and red leaves before winter comes and takes them all away. Instead I got lucky and got a taste of fall and winter in the same trip!

I “hiked” the Gorge trial, which is a 7 mile trail, one way. The reason I have “hike” in quotations is because I actually only did about 1 mile…round trip. Not that this was intentional! I actually wanted to hike a bit more but I couldn’t figure out where the trail continued…so I’ll have to do this again next time, but probably not until next year.

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I’m not sure if it’s apparent in the picture, but it was actually snowing! 😀

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Grey though it may have been, the colors were still INCREDIBLE!

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Eventually though the sun couldn’t help but peek its head out…and then out came a rainbow!

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Once I realized that I couldn’t figure out where the trail continued and saw that it was time to go home, I sadly had to backtrack.

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By car though, I managed to find where the trial continued so I know where to go next time! I also managed to catch this view before my drive home!

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Out of all the pictures I took that day though, this one below is by far my favorite. It is just SO BEAUTIFUL. 🙂

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A Sunday Kind of Love

A friend of mine sent me this article on the difference between soulmates and life partners and it totally resonated with me. Every relationship, situationship, whatever-it-was-tionship since my ex had been like fireworks. Brilliant, beautiful, extremely intense and all encompassing, then inevitably fizzing out. I saw this pattern in myself and after the last one I knew that no matter how good it felt at the time, how amazing the connection seemed to be, it just wasn’t sustainable and more importantly, at the end of the day, it’s not what I want to come home to. So I knew this, and in fact I’ve known this for some time now, but I hadn’t realized that although my mind understood this, some part of me still couldn’t let go.

Underneath the logic of my mind my heart was apparently still defining love as that all encompassing, passionate, you-know-my-soul kind of connection, I-just-met-you-but-I-feel-like-I’ve-known-you-forever type of feeling. The kind you see in movies and read in books but don’t think is actually possible…until you feel it and it’s like, oh shit, it’s totally possible, but now you’re crazy.

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What I thought I wanted, I actually had with The Man Who (Once) Made Me Crazy and even the one before him. I acknowledged they were a major part of my growth and got over them. But although I never really wanted to be with The Man Who (Once) Made Me Crazy after it didn’t work out, for some reason, he kept on resurfacing on my mind over, and overand overand over again. So then I would do a little stalking investigating and find that when I would see his pictures or read his posts I would feel…nothing. So WHY then, WHY was I so obsessed??

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It has been driving me nuts! But then I found out he got engaged and it forced me to really face it. So face it I did and as I was brushing my teeth and talking to myself about it, I had an epiphany! It actually had nothing to do with him, as a person, at all! I had been over him romantically the day I cried my eyes out from the airport. What it actually was, was my inability to let go of my idea of love. Every time I thought about him, what we had, or what could have been, I was really thinking about love and coming to terms with realizing it’s not what I actually want – well, at least not how I was defining it. And the real reason I was upset over his engagement wasn’t because I wanted to be the one engaged to him or even due to some petty wish that I would have gotten engaged first. As it turns out, the real reason I was upset was because with his now being unavailable, I was forced to let go of my idea of love. It wasn’t him I couldn’t get over; it was the love he represented in my mind.

Can I just say, the moment I realized this I suddenly felt so free! Like, seriously, it was as if I was carrying a burden this whole time and I finally realized I was carrying something I didn’t have to.

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Given that, I decided to contact him to say congratulations and to thank him for helping me grow as a person. I didn’t expect a reply but as it turns out he was really glad to hear from me and told me that I had also made a great impact in his life. That warmed my heart. When people tell me I’ve done or said something inspirational it means the world to me.

I am now at peace and just so, SO happy with my life. I have not yet found my Sunday kind of love (nor am I really looking), but for now, alone time Sunday is the love of my life. Have I mentioned how much I love upstate New York? 🙂

This past Sunday I went to Taughannock Falls and as usual, the greenery blew me away. Can’t wait to go back in the fall!

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And that, for now at least, is my Sunday kind of love. 😉


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Life Just Keeps Getting Better

I’m seriously in love with fall. This isn’t the best picture but here’s what it looks like when I drive down Vestal Parkway.

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Every time I drive and I see the trees it brings the biggest smile to my face.

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This is my favorite season just because it’s a slow change and you can clearly see it day after day. Some say they don’t like fall because it’s a sign of winter and the reality is the pretty leaves are really the leaves dying but…it reminds me of life in a way. Yes, I am aware it’s one step closer to winter but for the moment, I will enjoy the beauty and just relish the moment. While it’s true that one windy day might blow all the pretty leaves off the trees, it doesn’t negate the moments of simple happiness it has already brought me. One of these days I’m going to just park my car and take photos. You know, before that one windy day comes and blows all the leaves off. 😛

I am just so in love with life. So happy. So excited for things to come. Finally not trying to plan every single aspect of my life and just letting myself be. What a great feeling. 🙂

This speaks to me and I would love nothing more than for my close friends and family to feel the same way I do.

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And this is also something I try to live by:

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Life is beautiful. 🙂


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Swinging My Way to Acceptance

I first saw this a few years ago but it never fails to make me laugh.

I had intended to go to Taughannock Falls (I have no idea how to pronounce that) for my Sunday Funday but unfortunately, my school work took me way longer than I anticipated (as in 6 hours to get half of my homework done!). By the time I was finished, it was already early evening and my head felt like it was going to explode.

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I would’ve loved to lay out by the pool and just hang out for an hour or two, but unfortunately fall is coming around the corner and the weather did not allow this.

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For some reason I was feeling extremely agitated so rather than go straight home, I settled for going to my now favorite spot in the park across the street from me.

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I don’t know why the swing seemed to be exactly what I needed at that moment. Maybe because it’s reminiscent of my childhood and being rocked to sleep? Or maybe it’s just a reminder of childhood in general, a time when there were no responsibilities and my biggest worries seemed to be whether I can still wear a cute dress and play on the monkey bars at the same time. I’m pretty sure the only thing that would’ve made that moment better is if I had some bubbles I could’ve blown. I don’t know why, but that seems to soothe me whenever I’m stressed.

In any case, as soon as I sat on the (admittedly too small for me) swing, my mind immediately felt at peace. That zen-like, happy feeling I felt when I first moved here settled over me and I began to reflect on where I was in my life and how I never would’ve imagined, even at the beginning of this year, that it would be like this. I am so grateful for all the things that have happened this year. I’ve made some lifelong friends here, I have job prospects (yes, plural!) should my current job not work out for me, and best of all, I am finally at peace. Even that one niggling feeling that would not go away I have finally come to terms with. Sometimes, it really is just about letting go completely. I may not understand, my feelings may change later on, but for now, I accept them.

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