This was a feeling I had never experienced in all the times I had moved. Sadness? Yes. Excitement? Yes. That bittersweet feeling of having to let go of something that just started? Absolutely. Nostalgia even. But homesick? That feeling of actually wanting to go back home? Missing home at the present time and not just with thoughts of the past? Never…until recently.
Perhaps enough time has passed that the novelty of a new routine filled with new people no longer outweighed being surrounded by the familiar and knowing you will always be supported by family and old time friends. That having new places to explore isn’t always the most exciting thing if it means almost always exploring alone, even if alone time is highly valued. That at the end of the day, no matter how successful, how big of an impact relative to the size of the community, how many new friends are made, it doesn’t mean anything without feeling supported or appreciated for the effort. That being taken for granted no matter how much admiration is given is still just being taken for granted. That perhaps Dorothy was right and there really is no place like home.
I started thinking about this.
Could I possibly be happy here again? Bask in the seemingly endless blue skies and bright sunshine?
Hold on to the adventurous spirit that had awoken inside me when I moved to upstate New York and explore places I had never been to before?
Wake up the foodie inside me and eat all the things?
And then I drove for a couple days and experienced the traffic – which has only gotten worse! – and decided that, nah. We cool as just homies, LA.😂 Although I very much enjoyed this visit, both the new places I’ve been and the familiar faces I spent time with, it was just that. A visit.
I will say though that for the first time, coming home in a year or two is now an actual option for me. Not that I was opposed to it before, but I hadn’t taken it seriously as something I may actually want to do some day. Who knows what time will bring and what I may want in the future, but for now, my heart is still in New York, and given home is where the heart is, New York is home.
…even when it’s technically spring and you get this white stuff instead.
Besides, I’m not done. There are still places to go, people to connect with, and a community to help grow. Time to hit pause on this thought for a year or two and then reassess later. For now, time to hunker down and enjoy the second winter. 😂